Numerous studies have examined friendship and its importance to humans. In one such study, the authors insisted that bonds developed over friendships were so important that disrupting them led to health problems (Brent et al., 2013). They also suggested that difficulty creating or sustaining friendships was associated with autism and depression (Brent et al., 2013).
Divorce
An article published in 2014 suggested a possible link between divorce and friendship ties. The study concluded that divorce could spread across friends. Interestingly, the study showed that the presence of children does not influence the likelihood of divorce (McDermott et al., 2013). This, in addition to what we’ve learned about friendship above, tells us that friendship ties have a very powerful influence on our decisions as human beings.
Read Also: What Adult Children Should Do and Not Do to Cope with Their Parents’ Divorce
What does the research say?
Divorce has no single cause (Cleek & Pearson, 1985). One such study extensively discussed the effect economic stability had on divorce (Conger et al., 1990). Another study found a relationship between an increase in employment opportunities and divorce (South & Lloyd, 2024). In this study (South & Lloyd, 2024), they found that the availability of jobs increased social interactions between the married and unmarried which subsequently led to a significant rise in marital instability. These studies shine a light on the different causes of divorce. However, they do not explain if there is any association, between married women who have divorced girlfriends and increased susceptibility to file for divorce.
The association between the divorce status of individuals and its effect within a friendship circle is essentially narrowed down to three possibilities:
- Influence, where one person’s divorce can influence another person’s choices.
- Homophily, which is more of a correlation than a cause-and-effect situation, here it is assumed that divorced people tend to find themselves due to a common ground.
- Confounding, where individuals jointly experience similar exposures that can increase the likelihood of divorce (McDermott et al., 2013).
In the study carried out in 2014, it was found that there was a significant relationship between a person’s likelihood of divorce when their friend was also divorced. In fact, the influence of friendship on divorce was so significant that it was also found that the likelihood of divorce did not just affect direct friendships but also indirect friendships i.e. individuals who get divorced, do not only influence their friends but also their friend’s friend (McDermott et al., 2013).
What does this all mean? Should married women cut off their divorced friends?
The above study underpins just how powerful friendship circles can be and how they can significantly influence people’s decisions. The study also showed that the influence of friendships cuts across geographical barriers; what this means is that a friend could be across the continent, engage in a divorce, and still affect their friend in another continent (McDermott et al., 2013). Therefore the issue of cutting off one’s friends because they got divorced is a dicey one because not only are friendships really powerful, studies have shown a significant relationship between friendships and one’s health (Brent et al., 2013). The answer to the question above is not known, as there is not enough data that can help us make a logical choice. We do know, however, that women place a high value on their relationships. In a research article published in 2017, the study showed that when a husband disapproved of his wife’s friends it was a predictor of possible divorce in the future (Fiori et al., 2017). This suggests that asking married women to cut off their friendship with others including their divorced friends was a great predictor of divorce among couples.
Where does this leave us?
The study by McDermott et al went on to further suggest that the idea of social isolation i.e. cutting off one’s divorced friends was not a feasible solution because of how crucial friendships are to an individual. We also learn that while divorcees can influence others to divorce as well, the process of divorce can have inhibitory effects on others. Women who get to watch their friends go through a painful divorce process sometimes get to decide that divorce won’t be something they’d like to experience themselves (McDermott et al., 2013).
Implications
The findings from the above studies showcase a significant relationship between women who have divorced girlfriends being more likely to divorce. These findings suggest that it would make sense for married women to cut off their divorced friends if they want to avoid being influenced into divorcing their spouse, however, we also learn that doing so may not be such a good idea as research has shown that there is a strong relationship between friendships and good health. The choice of whether a married woman should cut off her divorced friends ultimately rests on her and her perception about divorce as we have learned that, the process of divorce itself can influence others and at the same time cause an inhibitory effect on others as well.
References
Brent, L. J. N., Chang, S. W. C., Gariépy, J.-F., & Platt, M. L. (2013). The neuroethology of friendship. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1316(1), 1–17. https://doi.org/10.1111/nyas.12315
Cleek, M. G., & Pearson, T. A. (1985). Perceived Causes of Divorce: An Analysis of Interrelationships. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 47(1), 179. https://doi.org/10.2307/352080
Conger, R. D., Elder, G. H., Lorenz, F. O., Conger, K. J., Simons, R. L., Whitbeck, L. B., Huck, S., & Melby, J. N. (1990). Linking Economic Hardship to Marital Quality and Instability. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52(3), 643. https://doi.org/10.2307/352931
Fiori, K. L., Rauer, A. J., Birditt, K. S., Marini, C. M., Jager, J., Brown, E., & Orbuch, T. L. (2017). “I Love You, Not Your Friends.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 35(9), 1230–1250. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407517707061
McDermott, R., Fowler, J., & Christakis, N. (2013). Breaking Up is Hard to Do, Unless Everyone Else is Doing it Too: Social Network Effects on Divorce in a Longitudinal Sample. Social Forces; a Scientific Medium of Social Study and Interpretation, 92(2), 491–519. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3990282/
South, S. J., & Lloyd, K. M. (2024, February). Spousal Alternatives and Marital Dissolution on JSTOR. Jstor.org. https://www.jstor.org/stable/2096343
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