Domestic violence is a worldwide issue that affects individuals across all races, genders, and relationships, including heterosexual, lesbian, and gay partnerships. It is considered a violation of human rights and it involves physical, sexual, emotional, and financial abuse, and even stalking. These violent acts can have serious short- and long-term effects, including physical injuries, mental health problems, and chronic illnesses. Victims of violence sometimes end up in hospitals, disabled, or even dead.
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In society, most times when people think of domestic violence, they think of a physically battered woman with an aggressive man. Anyone can be a perpetrator of domestic violence, regardless of their gender or age. Statistics often suggest that men are typically the perpetrators of domestic violence because such incidents are more frequently reported; however, women can also be abusive to their partners, whether male or female.
Prevalence of domestic violence in lesbian relationships in comparison to gay relationships
Approximately 17-45% of lesbians affirm having been on the receiving end of domestic violence perpetrated by a lesbian partner. On the other hand, compared to gay relationships, they experience a lower incidence of domestic violence as evidenced by a 26% prevalence rate. Research also has it that the level of domestic violence that happens in same-sex relationships can be compared to, or are even higher than, those in heterosexual relationships. According to a survey, out of the 43.8% of lesbians who experience domestic violence, about 66% of them reported that the perpetrators were females.
The Myth of Female Instigators in Relationships
The fact that women are likely to be the cause of domestic violence in lesbian and heterosexual relationships is hard to believe as most reports record males as the major instigators. Domestic violence is not solely about physical aggression but also encompasses emotional and psychological abuse which most women are likely to do instead of physical violence.
While this article focuses on the often-overlooked issue of female-perpetrated domestic violence, it is important to acknowledge that male-perpetrated violence remains more commonly reported and recognized. Men are frequently identified as the primary aggressors in domestic violence cases, and their actions are well-documented and studied. This acknowledgment does not diminish the significance of female-perpetrated violence but rather aims to provide a balanced perspective on the issue.
Research has shown that domestic violence in lesbian relationships often involves mutual aggression, where both partners exhibit abusive behaviors. When females are abusive to their partners, apart from physical aggression, statistics say that they are more likely to participate in digital abuse, controlling and jealous behavior, and verbal and emotional abuse, putting the victim down and damaging their self-worth to make them feel as if they deserve what came to them. This shows how the female gender is likely to be the abuser in a heterosexual relationship.
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Their partners are less likely to be believed by people who listen to their stories because of the stereotypes already ingrained in the minds of people that women are always on the receiving end.
Studies supporting the prevalence of female instigators
Archer J. in his study discovered the likelihood of using one or more physical acts of aggression and the frequency of such actions was slightly higher in women than in males and this was more evident amongst younger couples.
A study by Daniel Whitaker et al. revealed that in 49.7% of the relationships they analyzed, domestic violence was mutual and both parties fought back. In the non-mutual ones, women were the abusers in about 70% of the cases.
The US CDC estimates a total number of 5.3 million men who have been victims of domestic violence compared to 4.7 million women, in the previous year. The researchers characterized physical violence as shoving, pushing, and slapping. The fact that men made up about 40% of those who suffered from serious physical abuse is even more worrisome.
Why their partners can’t seek help
Lesbian females
- Fear of discrimination and homophobia in the legal system and by law enforcement.
- Risk of being outed to family, friends, or employers.
- Limited access to LGBTQ+-friendly support services and shelters.
Heterosexual males
- Stigma and shame associated with being a male victim of domestic violence.
- Fear of not being believed or taken seriously.
Domestic violence affects individuals in all types of relationships. Efforts must focus on raising awareness, reducing stigma, and ensuring access to appropriate resources for all victims, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity.
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Final Thoughts
If we ever want to reach true equality, all poor behavior must be called out without considering the gender of the instigator. Females should not be given an easy way out in heterosexual relationships. Women often use hurtful language, manipulation, and provocation. While this in no way justifies men turning to physical violence, it is important to recognize that some men, lacking self-control, may react physically to emotional abuse or even physical attacks. This does not excuse their actions, but society must acknowledge that women can also be instigators of violence.
Often, women are given the benefit of the doubt, but this dynamic does not hold in lesbian relationships, where both partners are female. Women can be violent in their own ways, and it is crucial for society to address this issue if we want to prevent domestic abuse and violence. Interestingly, gay male couples experience much less domestic abuse, suggesting that relationships involving at least one female have a higher incidence of domestic violence.
Addressing domestic violence requires a nuanced approach that recognizes the complexities of abusive behaviors across different relationship dynamics. By holding all individuals accountable for their actions, regardless of gender, and providing appropriate resources and support, we can make strides toward reducing domestic violence and fostering healthier relationships for everyone.
References
- National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey – 2010 Summary Report | NIWRC. (2024, August 28). https://www.niwrc.org/resources/report/national-intimate-partner-and-sexual-violence-survey-2010-summary-report
- Breiding, M. J., Chen, J., & Black, M. C. (2014). Intimate partner violence in the United States — 2010. https://stacks.cdc.gov/view/cdc/21961
- Archer, J. (2000). Sex differences in aggression between heterosexual partners: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin, 126(5), 651–680. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.126.5.651
- Whitaker, D. J., Haileyesus, T., Swahn, M., & Saltzman, L. S. (2007). Differences in frequency of violence and reported injury between relationships with reciprocal and nonreciprocal intimate partner violence. American journal of public health, 97(5), 941–947. https://doi.org/10.2105/AJPH.2005.079020
- Breiding, M. J. (2014). Prevalence and Characteristics of Sexual Violence, Stalking, and Intimate Partner Violence Victimization — National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, United States, 2011. https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/ss6308a1.htm
** Disclaimer
Gilmore Health does not condone or endorse any forms of abuse or violence. The views expressed in this article are based on research and the author’s perspective. Our goal is to present information and encourage informed discussions. Readers are encouraged to consider all viewpoints and consult additional sources to form their own understanding. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please seek professional help immediately.
