Why Women Are Less Likely to Start a Conversation on a Dating App

Online dating has made meeting new people way easier and it has become a staple in today’s society, particularly among younger people. About 30% of Americans had positive responses when they were asked if they had ever used a dating app or site before.

Online dating has evolved and is now easily accessible on a person’s mobile device, making it more accessible than ever with only a button click. Tinder and Bumble, which are exclusively available on mobile devices, are the most widely used online dating apps. For some, these platforms have been instrumental in forming meaningful relationships while others have had bad experiences.

Then and now

Table of Contents

1 Then and now
2 Why don’t women make the first move?
3 What do statistics say?
4 Challenging societal norms
- - 4.0.1 References

The past used to be filled with men approaching women and seeking to court them, now these traditional gender roles have changed especially in this era of online dating. Back then, the upbringing women had was that of observation, patience, and allowing the man to make the first move. This was embedded deeply in their psychology.

Today, women are bold and brave, and both men and women alike are initiating the first move, dates, and proposing. However, generally, women still require men to initiate the first conversation. This still boils down to society’s opinions on how women are to be chased.

Interestingly, a dating site like Bumble put up a rule that prevents males from reaching out first. This was in a bid to empower women and foster healthy connections amongst matches. They also thought this was a good way to prevent harassment. It’s been ten years and so far it seems like the company is going into bankruptcy because they recorded a net loss of $1.9 million last year.

Recently, they added a new feature called “opening moves” which allows women to send prompts that meant that they wanted the men to initiate a conversation. Potential dates can now initiate contact since female users felt it was too much of a strain to do so. The alteration emphasizes how challenging it is to break free from conventional dating.

Why don’t women make the first move?

Apart from the constant need to satisfy societal norms, women feel they are going to get rejected when they make the first move. The fear of rejection and possible embarrassment that could ensue usually get them discouraged. They also do not want to look too desperate for male companionship and to be fair, some men actually think that way towards women that try to make the first move.

Another fear that we can all agree on is the fear of being disappointed. Women tend to get disappointed when their expectations are cut short. Seeing that they could be let down especially when they have such high expectations deter them from moving first.

On the other hand, some men think that getting that kind of attention from a woman is a confidence-booster. Generally, men are starved of attention, and females reaching out first can probably be the best thing that has ever happened to them.

What do statistics say?

Rachel Dinh et al. analyzed ten years’ worth of data from 150,000 users who patronized the dating site eHarmony. Reports from the study say that men are 30% more likely to initiate a conversation and women who do initiate a conversation are likely not to follow through with it. The study records a 15% decline in the response from women after they begin a conversation.

A survey carried out by the Pew Research Centre amongst 4,860 adults in the U.S. showed that women were more likely to get more initiating messages than men. According to their report, 57% of men who took the survey acknowledged the fact that they didn’t get enough messages compared to 24% of women. 75% of women said they got adequate or too many messages compared to men (42%). This also shows that males initiate more and females tend to be on the receiving end.

As mentioned earlier, sites like Bumble encourage women to reach out first. Other sites that are women-centric are Siren and Wyldfire.

Challenging societal norms

Dating should involve equal participation from both parties and women reaching out first should be normalized. Dating apps and sites can include conversation starters and prompts specifically designed to make it easier for women to initiate conversations. Men should also be supportive and responsive when women make the first move.

Overall, there should be healthy boundaries set between men and women and these boundaries should be respected by both parties.