Key Takeaways:
- Fast response times (under 250 ms) during conversation signal stronger connection.
- This applies to both strangers and close friends.
- Observers can often detect mutual interest based on conversational rhythm.
- Other signs of attraction include starting conversations, mirroring, and moving closer.
How Conversation Timing Reveals Connection
Non-verbal cues and your body language are all signs of interest in someone you just met. They are not always easy to decipher. To find out if this attraction is mutual, it’s worth turning to this method, according to a study showing that rapport with a conversation partner can be measured in milliseconds: reaction time during a conversation is a good indicator of the social connection between two partners.
People Talking
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Chatting is a great way to get to know someone, especially a potential romantic partner. While you can often tell in a few moments if you like the person, it can be more difficult to determine if the attraction is mutual. Non-verbal cues like eye contact and smiling can indicate romantic interest as well as how fast the answer is to what’s being said, according to researchers at Dartmouth University.
“We’ve all been in situations where we got along with some people but not others. We wanted to see if there was anything in people’s conversations that would tell us when they were getting along,” said Emma Templeton, a psychology and brain science graduate student at Dartmouth and one of the study’s co-authors. “Our results showed that the faster people respond during a conversation, the more connected they become,” she said.
The Science Behind Rapid Replies
A 2022 study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (Templeton et al., 2022) found that faster response times during conversation are a strong predictor of social connection. In the first of three experiments, 66 strangers had unstructured conversations and later rated how connected they felt at different moments. The quicker their conversation partner responded—particularly within 250 milliseconds—the more connected they felt. Because these quick replies happen too fast for conscious control, they act as an honest signal of interpersonal synchrony.
What Fast Responses Mean for Friends and Observers
In the second part of the study, researchers tested whether the same effect held true for conversations between close friends. It did. The more fluid the exchange, the more connected participants felt. “It is well known that, on average, about a quarter of a second passes between turns in a conversation. Our study is the first to investigate the significance of this time interval in human relationships,” explained Thalia Wheatley, the Lincoln Filene Professor in Human Relations at Dartmouth and lead investigator on the project. “When people feel they can almost finish each other’s sentences, they close that 250-millisecond gap and then you have two people in sync.”
The third part of the study showed that even outside observers who weren’t part of the interaction could pick up on this rhythm. When listeners heard recordings of conversations, they judged people as more connected when the response times were shorter, even if they didn’t understand the content. In real life? If you’re at a party and wondering whether your friend is hitting it off with someone they just met, tune in to the pace of their conversation. The faster the replies, the more likely they’re clicking.
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Recognizing Other Signs of Attraction
Still not 100% sure? Look for other signs of mutual attraction before making a move. According to a 2018 meta-analysis published in Psychological Bulletin (Montoya et al., 2018), people behave in very specific ways when they’re interested in someone. The main signs? Initiating a conversation, demanding physical proximity to the person, and mimicking their behavior. If you notice any of these signs, savor the moment and see what happens next.
Bottom Line
While the study makes a strong case that fast conversational timing signals connection, it’s not a foolproof measure of romantic interest. People might respond quickly because they’re polite, extroverted, or simply good conversationalists—not necessarily because they’re attracted to you. So if you’re wondering whether someone likes you, timing is a clue—but not the whole story. Look for consistent signals: body language, eye contact, shared laughter, and how often they initiate interaction. In the end, connection isn’t just about milliseconds—it’s about mutual attention and emotional presence.
References
E.M. Templeton,L.J. Chang,E.A. Reynolds,M.D. Cone LeBeaumont,& T. Wheatley, Fast response times signal social connection in conversation, Proc. Natl. Acad. Sci. U.S.A. 119 (4) e2116915119, https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2116915119 (2022).
Montoya, R. M., Kershaw, C., & Prosser, J. L. (2018). A meta-analytic investigation of the relation between interpersonal attraction and enacted behavior. Psychological Bulletin, 144(7), 673–709. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000148
