Challenging the Old Adage: Are Single Men Truly Worse Off?
The long-held belief that single men are destined for misery and early death compared to married men is rooted in past studies that highlighted the benefits of stable, happy marriages. However, in today’s world, such marriages are increasingly rare.
With rising divorce rates—often initiated by women—men face significant emotional and financial challenges post-divorce. While marriage once provided men with clear roles and support, modern marriages often come with unrealistic expectations and the risk of severe personal and financial fallout.
In this context, many men are choosing to remain single, valuing their autonomy and well-being over the uncertain benefits of marriage. While a happy marriage can still offer deep satisfaction, the risks associated with modern marriage make singlehood a more appealing option for many.
Marriages Today: An Evolved Institution
Marriages today have evolved significantly. Historically, men were expected to be the sole or primary earners, while women busied themselves with household management and child care. Social norms emphasize marital stability and adherence to traditional roles.
Today’s marriages differ considerably from what they used to be. They feature shared responsibilities and household chores, with both spouses contributing to the finances.
Marriages of old, despite their rigid structures and expectations, provided comfort, offered familial solid and societal support, and frowned heavily upon the concept of divorce. In contrast, modern marriages allow room for ever-changing societal shifts, evolving complex gender dynamics, and ongoing negotiations, making staying single a more appealing and practical option for men today.
Marriage and Divorce: Then and Now
The role women play through higher economic independence and career opportunities is evident in the evolving dynamics of modern marriage.
Divorce, in traditional marriages, which were expected to be lifelong, was heavily stigmatized and legally challenging to obtain and only considered as a last resort. Divorced women were heavily marginalized, struggled to get employed, and faced severe economic hardships and even harsher societal stigma.
Divorce rates surged after the global enactment of the No-fault Divorce Act in 1969. Studies conducted across 50 states in the USA showed that the law positively impacted divorce rates in 44 states, with the remaining six being directly interpretable (Nakonezny et al., 1995).
Research also shows that women are more likely to initiate divorce, are much more happy than men to be out of the marriage, and breed ill feelings towards their ex-husbands than men do towards their ex-wives. They also adjust better post-divorce than men do. It also shows that men cope with suicidal feelings less well than women do after a divorce and have difficulties moving on from their past marriages (Zeiss et al., 1981).
Advantages of remaining single
Financial autonomy
In the occurrence of a divorce, men almost always face heavy financial burdens due to child support payments and alimony. Studies show that men go through economic and financial hardships because of these responsibilities.
Men who remain single preserve their financial autonomy, allowing them to build and invest on their terms without risking marital breakdown.
Personal development
Single men retain emotional stability due to their lack of exposure to the stress that comes with marital conflicts and the potential disruption of a divorce, which affords them the avenue of focusing on their personal growth and building a sturdy support network of family and friends, all of which contribute to overall happiness.
Read Also: Are Men More Likely to Take “Till Death Do Us Part” Seriously?
Career Advancement
Without marriage obligations, men may have more freedom to devote energy and time to their careers, leading to heightened professional growth and financial security.
Unrealistic expectations
Most women indeed hold exceedingly high expectations for prospective spouses, which can be arduous and challenging for men to meet.
Such expectations, some of which borders on being fantastical, include:
High financial standards
Some women only consider a man with a six-figure income attractive as a potential spouse. This can be a substantial deterring factor, particularly in an economy where such incomes are not conventional.
Physical attributes
Many men report feeling pressured to meet specific physical standards, such as being over six feet tall and having a well-defined, muscular physique. These expectations by women imply the need for regular exercise, maintaining a youthful appearance, and achieving unrealistic body ideals, all of which can be difficult to attain and stressful to sustain.
Domestic contribution
Women today expect equal or even higher contributions to domestic responsibilities such as cleaning, cooking, and even child upbringing. This modern-day trend is incredibly demanding of men even when they are the leading providers.
Luxurious lifestyle expectations
The desire to indulge in certain expensive lifestyles, such as eating out at classy diners, frequent travel to exotic locations, and purchasing luxurious goods and services, can significantly deter men who prefer to live modestly or financially conservatively.
Frequent displays of romance
Men are often expected to engage regularly in grand romantic gestures, which can create pressure to be more theatrical rather than genuinely expressing their feelings.
Feasibility of getting married in the modern era
The adaptability of partners’ roles can be beneficial in the context of evolving relationship dynamics and the changing characteristics of contemporary partners. However, this flexibility often requires significant negotiations and compromises, which may not always align with the preferences of both parties.
A woman who is willing to align her goals and values with those of her partner can greatly enhance marital satisfaction.
For a marriage to be satisfying, it is essential to engage in open dialogue and practice effective communication with mutual respect. While these elements are crucial for any successful relationship, they are especially vital in the context of modern marriages.
Conclusion
In the present-day context of marriage, the choice of remaining single or married has become more complicated. Even though marriage offers the benefits of companionship and shared responsibilities, it also poses deterring challenges to men.
Men may find that choosing singlehood offers more advantageous benefits, such as financial and personal autonomy, freedom from marital stress, and unrealistic expectations.
However, it is essential to acknowledge that marriage can offer a deep, gratifying experience and a sense of security when established on a solid foundation of mutual understanding and shared values.
References
Nakonezny, P. A., Shull, R. D., & Rodgers, J. L. (1995). The Effect of No-Fault Divorce Law on the Divorce Rate Across the 50 States and Its Relation to Income, Education, and Religiosity. Journal of Marriage and Family, 57(2), 477–488. https://doi.org/10.2307/353700
Antonette M. Zeiss PhD, Robert Zeiss PhD & Stephen Johnson PhD (1981)Sex Differences in Initiation of and Adjustment to Divorce. Journal of Divorce, 4:2, 21-33, https://doi.org/10.1300/J279v04n02_02
